one year closer to 2012

chain-smoking/real-talking/infuriating heaven. what is this passage of time bullshit? now, i want:

-cross-country road trips
-more late night meetings
-skills at an instrument
-a real garden
-weekly karaoke
-regular use of studio + darkroom
-more journals filled up
-improved scrabble skills
-to learn a language
-something to fill my time
-calzones
-exploring
-menthol capris/misty light 120's
-to follow direction
-crotchwords
-new glasses
-lots of mail
-a normal sleep schedule
-all that cool and boring stuff like a job, a house, financial independence, etc
-realization that my wants are sort of irrelevant

sleepy

isis

feel like i'm on the other side of a mountain. there are a few things that can recall with sufficient force the feeling of being really new... smells, sounds, mostly songs. i listen to them on repeat trying to leech out that feeling of driving around those icy roundabouts to the treatment center, sitting in that room for hours with a bunch of fuck-ups being babysat by other fuck-ups with degrees. keep it simple, stupid. i never see any of those people anymore. it's not even worth it anymore to wonder what happened to them.



now's the time for new idols

holy ballz

found an old dream journal. march 2008:

"i dreamed i was the eldest of 3 brothers in a traveling band. the other 2 died and i tried to regrow them as sunflowers. when a leaf came up i looked beneath it and there was my own face looking up at me. all it said was 'i think we need a drink, darling.'"